those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
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As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
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Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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