THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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