this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
