I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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