dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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