I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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