he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize