I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
