She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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