He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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