guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize