Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
