HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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