Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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