I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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