This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
