And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
