escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
