my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
