Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
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I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
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I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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