You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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