It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
