I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
