i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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