So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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