they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
