Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Randomize
