I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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