your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Someone came in the potted fern
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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