I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
