Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
