Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
3 2 1 whiskey
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
