better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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