you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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