she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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