last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
