Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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