11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
