Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
