Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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