He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
