I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
