sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
