bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
