remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We're too hungover to prance.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
