my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize