Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
