Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
