You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
