guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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