I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
