Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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