Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He passed out mid-signature
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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