can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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