new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
