How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
