More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
