Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
