watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
