At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
