Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Vodka?
Forever.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
