I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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