What did we do last night that was yellow?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
