There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
